02 4 / 2014

You can never deny the possibility of truth just because you can’t prove it exists.

It’s like being absolutely sure that I don’t like anybody just because I don’t show it.

31 3 / 2014

Hate that whirlwind mind with its frenzy of thoughts and hurricanes of doubts

Leaving nothing in its core
With me in stasis

Sometimes, I do need a punch.

16 3 / 2014

16 3 / 2014

Along the way, somehow I forget that I am dealing with lives.

Not that I may cause their deaths, but that if I really try, their lives will be a tad more interesting and fun. And bearable. 

Sense of responsibility aye, where have you disappeared to? 

16 3 / 2014

"I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers."

Henry David Thoreau, Walden

15 2 / 2014

leilockheart:

find another book to read

my life in the past 10 years

leilockheart:

find another book to read

my life in the past 10 years

14 2 / 2014

when will I stop avoiding efforts

and when will i stop escaping to stories and legends

to pave my life

08 2 / 2014

Hohoho shit just go real.
Getting more than what I asked for. Too much for me to handle ._.

28 1 / 2014

Let’s try something dumb again. And stay strong this time. 

27 1 / 2014

Reading The Stranger and The Fountainhead kinda ruined me. Searching for answers that don’t seem to exist.

25 1 / 2014

Stop observing and lay silently by the sidelines. Time to wreck havoc and raise hells. One year. Before I hit 20.

20 1 / 2014

Somehow, I can’t feel the happiness and pride like others do.

I felt content, but it wasn’t the defining moment that I’d imagine it to be. It was a long ride. Fulfilling, crazy, memorable. It was worthwhile, but something was amiss. 

Since the weeks leading up to this day, I merely looked at others’ excitement with envy. Why am I not feeling anything? I could put up my feelings for pretense, but deep down, there was nothing. Everyone promised that it would be an epic moment, but I just smiled.

For many, it was always their dream to have made it here. An aspiration, a desire, an achievement; it is a remarkable milestone.

In retrospect, I doubt that I ever wanted anything strongly. I was alright if things didn’t go my way. It doesn’t really matter if I fail. I’d feel disappointed, then move on shortly after. I may have regrets at times; the ‘what ifs’ from year and years back still haunt me when I contemplate. But I’m alright. And when things went well, I was alright too. 

I feel distant from everything. I have been surfing along wherever the waves push me to. Merely watching the scenes roll by.

I wonder, when will I ever want anything passionately, what will be my first strong desire? And perhaps, it’s time to join in the fray of life.

It still feels nice to have your friends congratulate and flatter you though. And I gotta admit that uniform makes you look cool.

Sigh. Time for a respite.

16 10 / 2013

I can’t put my finger on what’s frustrating me. It’s like even if I screamed, no words would come out. Not even a sound.

16 9 / 2013

Shit gets real.

Somehow, I feel calm though. No more frustration,  just smiling at the thought of the challenge and adventure we gonna have.

Guess I am gonna get a real taste of army this time round.

And fuck I am gonna beat all their expectations. Gonna be awesome.

I don’t like it here, but that’s why there’s even more reason and need to prove them wrong.

Hello mind, muse, magic, time to wake up yea? Ideas, intuition, inteligence, hope y’all are back.

Let’s go!

15 9 / 2013

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Frustrated. Melancholic. Nostalgic. Disappointed. Void.

Sometimes, I find myself regressing back to my immature self.

Time for me to fly away and take a breather while I get my act together.

Will be embarking on an adventure somewhere, enduring 38 degrees, storms and mud, building stuff, tearing even more stuff down, and blowing up all sorts of stuff.

(I’ll be back soon. And then I’ll start to pursue what really matters.)