16 10 / 2013
I can’t put my finger on what’s frustrating me. It’s like even if I screamed, no words would come out. Not even a sound.
16 9 / 2013
Shit gets real.
Somehow, I feel calm though. No more frustration, just smiling at the thought of the challenge and adventure we gonna have.
Guess I am gonna get a real taste of army this time round.
And fuck I am gonna beat all their expectations. Gonna be awesome.
I don’t like it here, but that’s why there’s even more reason and need to prove them wrong.
Hello mind, muse, magic, time to wake up yea? Ideas, intuition, inteligence, hope y’all are back.
15 9 / 2013
Frustrated. Melancholic. Nostalgic. Disappointed. Void.
Sometimes, I find myself regressing back to my immature self.
Time for me to fly away and take a breather while I get my act together.
Will be embarking on an adventure somewhere, enduring 38 degrees, storms and mud, building stuff, tearing even more stuff down, and blowing up all sorts of stuff.
(I’ll be back soon. And then I’ll start to pursue what really matters.)
07 2 / 2013
I am kinda looking forward to my next phase of life~ It’s probably going to be awesome to go through shit together with new buddies (doesn’t this sound just like high school).
And just glad that I am finally moving on to pursuing my interests. For somebody who was really lazy and always content with the present, it is really an achievement.
It’s a start. I’ll begin to chase my dreams, albeit six years late.
06 2 / 2013
Let me tell you a little about the truck driver you just flipped off because he was passing another truck, and you had to cancel the cruise control and slow down until he completed the pass and moved back over. His truck is governed to 68 miles an hour, because the company he leases it from believes it keeps him and the public and the equipment safer. The truck he passed was probably running under 65 to conserve his fuel. You see, the best these trucks do for fuel economy is about 8 MPG. At almost $4.00 per gallon, well, you do the math. And yes, that driver pays for his own fuel. The load he’s under needs to be 1014 miles from where he loaded in 2 days. And he cannot fudge his federally mandated driver log because he no longer does it on paper, he is logged electronically. He can drive 11 hours in a 14 hour period, then he must take a 10 hour break before resuming driving. And considering the shipper where he loaded held him up for 5 hours because they are understaffed, he now needs to run without stopping for breaks to make his delivery appointment. If he misses it, he will be rescheduled for the next day, because the receiver has booked their docks solid, as they have cut their staff to a minimum. That means the driver sits, losing 500+ miles for the week. Which means his profit will be cut, and he will take less money home to his family. Most of these guys are gone 10 days, and home for a day and a half, and take home an average of $500.00 a week if everything goes well.
You can’t tell by looking at him, but 2 hours ago he took a call informing him that his only sister was involved in a car accident, and though everything possible was done to save her, she died. They had flown her to a trauma hospital in Detroit, but it was too late. He hadn’t seen her since last Christmas, but they talked on the phone every week. The load he is pulling is going to Atlanta, and he will probably not be able to get to the funeral. His dispatcher will do everything possible with the loads available from Atlanta to get him there, but the chances are slim. So he has hardly noticed your displeasure at having to slow down for him. It’s not that he doesn’t care, he’s just numb.
Everything you buy at the store, everything you order on-line, moves by truck. Planes and trains can’t get it to your house or grocery store. We are dependent on trucks to move product from the airport, the rail yards, to the stores and our homes. Every day good, experienced, qualified drivers give it up because the government, the traffic, and the greedy companies involved in trucking have drained their enthusiasm for this life. They take a job at a factory if they can find it, and are replaced by an inexperienced youngster dreaming of the open road. This inexperience leads to late deliveries, causing shortages and higher prices at the store, and crashes that lead to unnecessary deaths on the road. It is even possible that is what led to the death of this driver’s sister.
This is a true story, it happened yesterday. The driver’s name is Harold, and I am his dispatcher.
Published: StarTribune August 3, 2011
This story struck me.
And it’s these stories that let us better understand what others are going through.
04 2 / 2013
And, January just left us behind. 11 more months to make this year count.
P.S. It’s perhaps a good thing that unknowingly, time has crept away. At least, it means I was having such an enjoyable time then, that my mind didn’t have to bother occupying itself with the abstruse notion of time.
01 2 / 2013
When it is a new year, we like to come up with long lists of resolutions and aspirations. Most of the time, we end up not completing what we have set out to do. But we do not stop believing. Believing that this year will be the year we have always anticipated, that this year we would do something great. It is as though the previous year didn’t happened, or we are given a second chance to set things right. Even though we have failed again and again, we still believe in ourselves. Every year, we start afresh on a clean slate. Just one day, one year, we’d become the supermen we wished we were, and pull off those crazy things we thought impossible. Just one year. Perhaps, this year.
Let’s start everything afresh. Without the regrets and past follies.
11 1 / 2013
"Someday, we’ll run into each other again, I know it. Maybe I’ll be older and smarter and just plain better. If that happens, that’s when I’ll deserve you. But now, at this moment, you can’t hook your boat to mine, because I’m liable to sink us both."
21 12 / 2012
19 12 / 2012
That feeling when you make somebody’s day. Gotta remember that. Been a while since I felt this way.
Perhaps it’s time to pen down stuff before I forget what matters again.
18 12 / 2012
Sigh. I don’t understand why anyone would ever do such a thing. It’s kinda sad and chilling when you read about the victims. These people were going to have amazing lives to lead, happy stories to share. And I can’t imagine how the parents and the school are going to relate this story to the other kids in the same school or neighbourhood. Just what are they supposed to say? It was an unfortunate event? Your friends have migrated to heaven?
Nowadays, when bad shit happens, we seem to only look at the number of casualties, the economic damage, or ‘collateral damage’ as the media quips. Somehow, I feel detached from reality. It’s like reading a map - you see the features and landmarks, but you will never know how is life down there. I tend to forget what such stories really entail. A few dead doesn’t mean just that.
29 11 / 2012
WHEEE it’s time to rant! Haha one day before I’m eighteen so gotta be immature while I still can!
Here’s the pretty uninteresting story about why I am not going for prom in the end~
My family isn’t really well-to-do and we are kinda still in debt. But in spite of that, we have been able to get by and I had the liberty to be a normal kid, going for faculty outings and watch movies. But I still try my best to be considerate and not spend too much on superfluous things, or things that could wait till I have my own means to get them.
The conundrum came when they announced our prom and I realized I am pretty much going to dump at least about $250 if I were to go for prom, just for a single night of photo-taking. And from past experiences, I would be awkward at such events and have unwilling conversations with others as I see them party or trying hard to have a great time. Haha idk lah, but generally I don’t like to be around crowds. The only reason why I enjoyed myself during batch dinner was because I had awesome company - 4s4. Hmm, this time round I wasn’t able to convince my circle of friends to get a table ourselves and that means I’d be with my class. I’m not saying my class is bad or anything, it’s just that half my class isn’t going and I’ll have to sit with the guys and like 11s74 people. Doesn’t sound like fun to me meh. :/ And it didn’t seem to me that seniors were enjoying prom last year.
But, there was still this desire in me to go for prom, because I knew I would feel sore from missing out on the photos, and even if I wouldn’t have fun with my class, I could always find my friends to hang out with. Hmm at the end of the day, I knew I wanted to go heh. I mean, this time round it’s really the end of these 2 exciting school years for real. Can still recall Sylvia saying, “go there for the photos!” Sounds pretty ludicrous, but it’s true hmm.
I think sometimes life likes to take a shit on me though. Just when I have finally decided, alright I’ll just go, two sad things have occurred. 1, my phone’s screen was literally smashed by a basketball. Honestly, this was totally my fault. Left my phone in a vulnerable place. I was being fucking dumb. Still pretty angry at myself for that incident, and feeling bad for making my classmate feel guilty about it. Well, the phone was pretty new and my father bought it. Not good game when I would have to be asking my dad for money. Had a dilemma and wanted to keep my father in the dark about this matter. After a short while, I decided it was time for me to grow up and just tell him the truth even if he would be damn pissed at me about it. I was never on close terms with my father, but this matter pretty much exacerbated things. I was fine with leaving the screen as it is (it’s still cracked now ahaha), but considering how things turned out, it was practically impossible for me to ask money from my dad. He has had enough dealing with issues at his relatively new job and his retarded son for spoiling a new phone. I didn’t want to incur his wrath. So, nope I am not going to ask any money from my dad.
2, my sis just resigned from her job. That just means more money trouble for my family meh. And my mom had been whining about it, going on about having to tighten our pockets. (don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it sounds haha) Hmm, at that point of time, the atmosphere in my family was pretty bad. I was in a peevish mood because of incident number one. In the end, it was inevitable that I wasn’t able to get money to buy a prom ticket. In the meantime, I had managed to convince myself that prom wasn’t worth all that hassle. I mean, I’m not going to enjoy it because I dislike crowds, even in faculty outings I prefer to just stand in a quiet corner and enjoy the atmosphere, taking photos isn’t going to worth that $90 ticket, the performances are probably going to be retarded, two of my close friends ain’t going anyway (but retarded Kenneth lim bought a ticket in the end ahaha I bet his girlfriend demanded him to do that). SO I SHAN’T GO FOR PROM.
The irony is, I convinced Zhao Yong to go for prom haha. What a retard I am.
Hmm, thinking about it now, honestly I’d want to go for prom. In the past, I had always prioritised hanging out with friends over money matters. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind spending any amount of money if it were to accompany my friends. I even worked during SITEX and definitely am able to afford that ticket.
AISHHHH I’ll defintiely feel sore during the actual day and the following days when I browse through the photos~
Haha but ah well things had already turned out this way~
It’s alright, really.
WHEEEE from tomorrow onwards, I’ll begin to write in proper English! I’m just lazy heh and I’m sorry if all the hmmms, honestly, pretty gets on your nerves.